Spiritual Development Paradox

(Photo credit)
This is going to be a very personal post. My spirit guides and teachers are accelerating the pace they communicate with me and, for little Akemi, it feels they are just dumping tons of info on me. I need to write to organize my understanding. Maybe someone among you who knows better can even help me somehow.

So I apologize if the post reads a bit messy. Some part of the post may sound redundant or contradictory. Just bear with me. Or, you can just move on to other posts that are written better.

What is spiritual development anyway?

The thing is this “spiritual development” or “growth”. As you know, I read people’s Akashic Records and clear the energetic blocks and interferences. It’s a spiritual work. And I’ve believed I need to continually work on my own spiritual development for my own good and to be a good Akashic Record reader.

I believe my clients and readers of this blog are also into spiritual development. We work on improving ourselves and our lives.

My spirit guides (SP): But the soul is already whole and complete. There is no room or need for improvement. That’s an oxymoron.

Me: Oh. Well… you are right. I know souls / Higher Selves come directly from the Source. But … you mean we don’t need to improve anything?

SP: You can train your body, you can train your mind because the mind belongs to the body. But no, you cannot train or improve your soul.

Me: But… what is all this spiritual evolution is about then? Aren’t we aiming to some high goals, like Ascension or Enlightenment?

SP: Okay, let’s go back a bit. You think you are less than perfect, and so you want to improve yourself, right?

Me: Yes.

My inner fears

As much as I write about the importance of accepting and loving ourselves as we are, with all the unique and quirky bits, there are still part of me that I am not 100% comfortable with.

For example, I gained a few pounds since last summer. I think I would look nicer if I lose these weights.

I also think I might want to work harder. My clients are waiting 4 to 5 weeks for their readings. My professionalism tells me to work harder to shorten the waiting list.

And the biggest frustration comes from this spiritual development itself. I read quite a lot of books on spirituality. There are so many good books. And as I read, I realize I am not measuring up well. Like, I haven’t done conscious astral projection. (I think we all do astral projection unconsciously.) I still have no idea about lightbody. (Damn, the linked article was written more than a year ago.  What have I been doing since?)  I am still concerned about petty daily things. My experience in the spiritual development is pretty limited. And so on.

I can read the Akashic Records and talk with my clients’ spirit guides, but that’s about all. Often, it feels I am just a conduit, a messenger in the spiritual world, with no real credit to myself.

I want to be brilliant so that I can help people realize their brilliance. Hopefully, I would do this simply by my existence. Instantly. I am far from being such a Light and this frustrates me a lot. In short, what the f-word am I doing here?

SP: So what do you think if I tell you you are already whole and complete?

Me: … that sounds like a big paradox. I sincerely work and work to improve my spirituality only to realize I am already whole and complete?

SP: Yes!

Me: … so… I don’t need to do anything?

Living in the Here and Now

SP: The only thing is you live in the hear and now. Completely. When you think you were thinner last summer, you are comparing yourself with the you of the past. When you think you would look nicer when you lose weight, you are comparing yourself with the future you and pressuring your current self. You are also believing you are less than desirable.

Me: ….

SP: Same thing with spiritual development or anything. You are comparing your current self with others, or the future potential you, or the past you. None of them matters to you — they don’t really exist.

Then there was a stream of visuals to help my understanding. We are like kids playing make-believe games. We are so into this game, for so long, that we have forgotten it’s just a game. We think this is reality.

Or it’s like living in a dream and we can’t wake up. (Remember the movie “Vanilla Sky”?)

Me: So let’s see… What happens when I really, totally, live in the here and now?

SP: Think.

Me: I guess that’s the same with loving myself totally. Because there is no point of comparison. I’m not sure if the word “love” is appropriate here, but this solid, focused, and warm feeling is like love.

SP: Good.

Me: This super simple feel is somehow familiar … I guess we felt this when we were babies.

SP: Yes.

Me: So living in the NOW is about waking up?

SP: It’s the gateway. You don’t wake up while you are participating in the make-believe game.

Me: But … is it really that simple? We just focus on the here and now and we realize we are already whole? And we wake up?

SP: It’s simple, yes, but may not be easy for many. Can you simply accept whatever happens to you?

The altered state of consciousness

Then my spirit guides reminded me of the experience I had two years ago. It’s something I’ve thought of writing on this blog — it’s certainly interesting — but just didn’t know how to.

It was August or September of 2008, the year I started taking clients for my Akashic Record Reading. I did a lot of work that day. In fact, I did more than I set out to do that day and it was still rather early in the evening. I remember I was feeling proud of my day.

It was still bright outside, so I decided to go out and take a walk.

I walked out of my office room (I was working on my computer) and went to the bathroom. When I stood up and turned around to flush, I almost fell as I lost balance. It felt as if an invisible hand made a big swing, causing a hard wind.

“Huh? What happened to me?”

It was different from the dizziness I would sometimes feel when I suddenly stand up (I have a low blood pressure). In those instances, I could feel my blood going down the head.

This time, however, it was something around me, not inside me.

I walked several steps to the sofa in my living room. (Tiny apartment, you know.) As I walked, the air around me felt thick, like it turned to a liquid gel. Mmm… maybe taking a walk is not a good idea. Let’s just lie on the sofa for a while. . .

Honestly, I was scared terribly. What had happened to me? Do I need to go to a doctor? But then, how do I explain this?

They’d probably think I was using some drugs. (I have never used drugs, by the way. But I’ve heard people talk what happens with certain drugs, and the sensation I was having seemed similar. But then, I am not sure.)

At that moment, I just wanted this weird condition to end. I was far from just living in the here and now. I was confused and terrified.

It ended after about 30 minutes. Looking back, I don’t really know why I was so scared. I sort of want to experience it again — seems interesting. (Needless to say, naturally, not with drugs. I totally hate the idea that some people use drugs to “induce” funny conditions.)

SP: Remember that? So do you think it would be easy to live in the here and now, no matter what happens?

Me: …

SP: People want to attach meanings and reasons to what they are experiencing. They think it’s a reward or a punishment of sort. They attach stories. The truth is, what is happening is just that. . . we are meant to just experience it.

And I have the feeling this is going to be essential in Ascension.

Okay, this is plenty to “download” for now. I am getting exhausted. (In addition to this “conversation”, there are some “road works” going on. It really feels that way — I think my spirit guides are building new connections, resurfacing the existing roads, etc.)

If you find this writing amusing, please send me some encouragement by leaving your comment. Thank you.

Spirit Guides 201

This is the follow up of my first article on spirit guides. In that first article, I shared the basics such as who spirit guides are, why they are such a great resource to improve your life, and why you may be feeling so lonely and helpless. (Photo credit)

Today’s article is what I have been learning myself by facilitating Spirit Guides Coaching. This gave me opportunities to work with various clients and their spirit guides. While each client and their spirit guides are unique, there are also commonalities.

Nothing is too petty to ask to spirit guides

First I encourage you to communicate with your spirit guides daily, from small to large things. Don’t wait until some catastrophe hits your life and you desperately need some supernatural help.

Attempting to communicate with your spirit guides only when there are major problems in your life is like running a marathon only when there is a race. You will be much better off if you practice daily. And the good news is you might enjoy the practicing part.

And don’t be shy to ask for help for some “small” things. There is no small things for spirit guides.

For instance, I was at a supermarket the other day. Usually, I do most of my grocery shopping at a small natural food store, but sometimes I go to the big one called Market of Choice. I think I wanted a can of tomato or something that day. Because I eat a lot of raw foods, I don’t buy cans often. I went to the aisle that I thought I saw them before, but I didn’t see any. Hmm… Where are they? Do I need to ask a clerk?

I immediately got a hunch, “Over on the other side” Oh, really? Sure is! Gee, my spirit guides even care about my grocery shopping!

They are just so helpful. I might even say my spirit guides are a bit too mothering. They try to remind me what to take when I go out. (“Refill your water can, Akemi!”) I guess they know how unorganized I am in my natural state…

Spirit guides are ALWAYS encouraging

Many people are afraid of communicating with their spirit guides. They think spirit guides would criticize them, like their caregivers and peers did when they were growing up.

And let’s admit we go through ups and downs in our lives. Sometimes we fail to do things that we know we need to do. Sometimes we act out in a way we regret later. When these things happen, we are depressed, often blame ourselves, and we fear rejection.

“Do my spirit guides still love me? Or are they sick and tired of me, like I am myself? Are they going to leave me because I am no good?”

And I am here to say I have never seen spirit guides being fed up with our humanly failures and weaknesses. They are always loving. Spirit guides are very patient in their love.

If you don’t take their advice and do something else, then they figure out how to help you from there. Spirit guides live in the now.

So don’t be afraid to face your spirit guides. They are always willing to help you.

Spirit guides want you to take good care of yourself

I’d like to emphasize that I have NEVER heard spirit guides talk like,

“She needs to work harder. Things are not turning out because she is not pushing hard enough. Maybe she needs to cut down her sleep to put in more hours. “

This is the kind of human thinking that is limited by space-time. Spirit guides are far more creative in coming up with ways to help you. And they don’t like seeing you abuse yourself.

Often, clients come to me because they want to see certain change in their life. For example, the client may be considering to start their own business. The Spirit Guides Coaching runs only for six weeks, so they want to jump in and talk about self-employment.

Typically, however, their spirit guides have different idea. They first want the person to take better care of themselves. Which makes perfect sense if you step back and think well. Starting a business takes a lot of energy, and if you are consumed with years of sleep deprivation, malnourishment (physically and emotionally), and most importantly, overworking in the corporate world, you are not going to make it. Further, when you are attached to one idea of a new business, you fail to notice other good ideas.

So, quite often, their spirit guides first give assignments such as relaxing and detoxing. For example, they might suggest solitary walk in the morning. Or napping. Or playing with a dog. Or taking a detox bath.

Don’t worry, when you are ready, your spirit guides are happy to help you with the things you think you need help for. But first, they want you to take good care of yourself. So leave your shortsighted agenda and trust your spirit guides.

Do you have any questions about spirit guides? I cannot comment back questions about your spirit guides because specific individual case requires individual attention (so you might want to consider ordering a reading), but I’d be happy to answer general questions in the comment.

Who Am I?

“Who am I?” is the central question in life.  What is your answer to this question, and how is your understanding helping you in life?

This article first examines various levels of self identity.  Then it goes deeper to explore what “we are spiritual beings” really means. (Photo by Lucas Janin)

Will the true YOU please step forward?

We define ourselves in various ways:

1.    I am (my name).
2.    I am (my work position, social status, etc.).
3.    I am (my life experiences).
4.    I am (my thoughts, or the thinking mind).
5.    I am (my soul or spirit).

#1 is just a label.  #2, like “I am a sales manager.” or “I am a mother.” is just the role you are playing at this time.  It’s pretty easy to see these are not the real YOU.

Some people are invested in their experiences and believe they are the sum or the result of their life  experiences.  “I was abused as a child and so I am incapable of building a healthy relationship.  This is me.” or “I am an American and so I live this way.”  But I don’t think human life is like a physics experiment. We have free will that allows us to go outside what our experiences define.

#4 is big.  Someone said, “I think therefore I am.”  If you don’t embrace the idea of the soul, I guess this is how you define yourself.  Pretty obviously, you know you are not just the body you can see and touch.  There is something within that does the thinking – your mind.  So you are the mind, or the combination of your body and mind.  (If you think the mind is just a function of the brain, then the mind is part of the body – still, you define yourself as the body / mind.)

Then there are those who believe in #5.  I use to think this way, too.  Our essence is the soul, or the spirit, that currently resides in the physical body.  The thinking mind is only a tool.  And when we die, the soul moves on, to eventually have another incarnation.

The idea seemed to work until I experienced Ascension soul shift myself.

Soul shifts and the Self

As Akashic Record Reading specialist, I read people’s soul records.  Most people live with one soul for the entirety of his or her life.  Or, rather, the soul lives its whole incarnation.

However, there are those who go through soul shifts. When this is the case, I can count exactly how many souls have been involved, the characteristics of each soul, and when the shift happened.  And as I wrote in that article, soul shifting itself is nothing new.  All varieties of soul shifts except the Ascension soul shift have been known for some time.

1. Ongoing soul shifts
2. One-time soul shifts, or walk-ins, including:

1)    Reinstatement soul shifts
2)    Complete possessions
3)    Placeholder soul shifts
4)    Special cases such as Pleiadean soul shifts
5)    Ascension soul shifts

In each case, we can take one of the two perspectives to the question “Who am I?”

1. I am the originally intended soul that was meant for me at birth.
2. I am the soul I have now.

With ongoing soul shifts, there is one soul that was the originally intended soul.  So although it was in the body only part of the time, we can say this is who he or she was meant to be.  Alternatively, we can also interpret this situation that whichever soul that is in the body at the given moment is the self – at the time.

Similarly, in reinstatement soul shifts, we can say the originally intended soul that gets “reinstated” is the real you even though another soul was residing in the body for a while.  It’s also valid to say that, when the other soul was residing in the body, that was you.

Complete possessions are sad cases.  The originally intended soul gets kicked out by a negative soul.  When this happens, I have to say the new soul is the you because there is no way to reverse the process.

Placeholder soul shifts are like reinstatement soul shifts but the first soul is a positive soul.  So again, you are the originally intended soul.  Or you can say the soul you had at the time is the real you.

How Ascension soul shifts differ from other soul shifts

However, Ascension soul shifts are different.  With Ascension soul shift, the first soul is the originally intended soul.  And the second soul is also intended – the shift is orchestrated somehow.

The repeatedly asked question about Ascension soul shift is “Why does this have to happen?  What happens to the first soul?  What happens to my spiritual development that I have accomplished as my first soul through many lifetimes?”

I sensed there was something bigger or higher than the soul that is still an individual, the ME, that was orchestrating these soul shifts.  These soul shifts were not some random take over.  At least the second soul knew the first soul and what was going on.  But what is this “bigger or higher” something?

Here is my current understanding as I figured by communicating with my Akashic Record Guides.

The Source, the energy, and the soul

First there was the Source, the Source of all energy.  The whole, therefore perfect, energy.  Then it split part of it to create individualized forms of itself.  Basically, it wanted to play.  It was hard to play as a single existence ever, so it split itself to be many existences.

For now, let’s call these split energies “X’s”.

Some X’s became stars and planets.  Most other X’s became residents of these star systems.  Then they traveled around.  Eventually some came to Earth, which is just another creation.

To live in the physical bodies on Earth, X’s split part of themselves to form souls in much the same manner the Source split itself to be X’s.  Perhaps most X’s split out just one soul and watched over how it goes.

The soul lived in one body.  When the body was done, the soul crossed over to the other side for a temporary rest, and eventually came back to live another lifetime.  This went on and on for millenniums of time.  All the while the X of the soul was watching over its progress.

Ascension is the new game

Recently planet Earth and its residents decided to work out a new game plan.  We have gone through plenty of lifetimes and saw the various different sides of life.  We have done enough of the “learning by contrast” game.  More and more of us are reaching the point that we can possibly reach as the existing soul.  So we are going to change the matrix itself.  We are going to do this Ascension.
Ascension is about increasing the vibration rate.  For many of us, the souls we’ve had were good souls that were intended for each of us at birth, but they can go up only to a certain level of vibration rate.  So our X’s decided to upgrade.  Each X created another soul from itself and sent it to us.  This is Ascension soul shift.

Because the new soul originates from the same X, it is the same type, same background group and training.  It just vibrates higher and has no physical past life.

Meet X, your Higher Self

Now the issue of terminology.  This is where things get sticky because it’s quite possible that person A uses the term to mean something different from what person B means with the same term.

For me, X is my Higher Self.  My Higher Self came directly from the Source, and it infuses part of it to form my soul in much the same way the Source infused part of it to form my Higher Self.  My Higher Self can create many souls if it wants.

It’s like making photocopies.  Any number of souls can come from the Higher Self.  Once the soul is created and incarnates in the physical body, it gets its own experiences.  Like you can write memos on one of the photocopies.  We’ve got too many scribbles on our copies (souls) that we decided to start anew with a fresh copy.

Who am I really?

So there are higher levels of answers to the first question, “Who am I?”

6.    I am (my Higher Self).
7.    I am God, the Source, or – just, I am.

Does this make sense to you?  It does to me, so I concluded my communication with my guides.

A note in communication with spirit guides

If you are interested in trying this yourself, here is a brief cautionary note.  Spirits use your existing frame of reference to give you ideas.  So the analogy you get may well be different from mine.

Plus they are quite practical in their teaching.  They know there are levels of understanding.  Say, Newton’s law of gravity may or may not work in Einstein’s world, but if your understanding of physics is high school level (like most of us), they are not going to mention Einstein.  They know that would just complicate things unnecessarily.  So they tell you the law of gravity as Newton figured it out.  If you work for NASA, on the other hand, you may get a different response.  Both are, in a sense, “right” answers.

The answers I received make sense to me and so it’s good for me.  For now.  When my spirituality evolves further, I might get a new answer that may seem to contradict to what I know now.  Just a possibility.

Ascension is a process to be one with God, or to be God

So the Ascension process promotes higher awareness of who we really are.  We are not just our souls that goes  through many lifetimes.  We are our Higher Selves that are looking over all these experiences.

Further, we are the Source.  We are God, the Creator.  The split part is essentially the same in quality with the original.  It’s a smaller individualized version, but like a piece of holograph, it has all the power and information of the original.

It gets really hard to “know” who I am at this level.  It’s like trying to see my own nose.  Not by the reflection on the mirror, but trying to see my nose itself.  We are not quite capable of doing this.  Likewise, after rigorous examination of who I am, seemingly ironically, I reach a point where I say, “I just am.”  Everything and everyone are part of me, appearing to be different for the fun of it.

How do you identify yourself?  Are you using the power that comes from realizing you are the Source?

Update: Related post “Who Am I? The Ego or the Higher Self?” and “Who Am I? The Self Inquiry Process”

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