Spiritual Development Paradox

(Photo credit)
This is going to be a very personal post. My spirit guides and teachers are accelerating the pace they communicate with me and, for little Akemi, it feels they are just dumping tons of info on me. I need to write to organize my understanding. Maybe someone among you who knows better can even help me somehow.

So I apologize if the post reads a bit messy. Some part of the post may sound redundant or contradictory. Just bear with me. Or, you can just move on to other posts that are written better.

What is spiritual development anyway?

The thing is this “spiritual development” or “growth”. As you know, I read people’s Akashic Records and clear the energetic blocks and interferences. It’s a spiritual work. And I’ve believed I need to continually work on my own spiritual development for my own good and to be a good Akashic Record reader.

I believe my clients and readers of this blog are also into spiritual development. We work on improving ourselves and our lives.

My spirit guides (SP): But the soul is already whole and complete. There is no room or need for improvement. That’s an oxymoron.

Me: Oh. Well… you are right. I know souls / Higher Selves come directly from the Source. But … you mean we don’t need to improve anything?

SP: You can train your body, you can train your mind because the mind belongs to the body. But no, you cannot train or improve your soul.

Me: But… what is all this spiritual evolution is about then? Aren’t we aiming to some high goals, like Ascension or Enlightenment?

SP: Okay, let’s go back a bit. You think you are less than perfect, and so you want to improve yourself, right?

Me: Yes.

My inner fears

As much as I write about the importance of accepting and loving ourselves as we are, with all the unique and quirky bits, there are still part of me that I am not 100% comfortable with.

For example, I gained a few pounds since last summer. I think I would look nicer if I lose these weights.

I also think I might want to work harder. My clients are waiting 4 to 5 weeks for their readings. My professionalism tells me to work harder to shorten the waiting list.

And the biggest frustration comes from this spiritual development itself. I read quite a lot of books on spirituality. There are so many good books. And as I read, I realize I am not measuring up well. Like, I haven’t done conscious astral projection. (I think we all do astral projection unconsciously.) I still have no idea about lightbody. (Damn, the linked article was written more than a year ago.  What have I been doing since?)  I am still concerned about petty daily things. My experience in the spiritual development is pretty limited. And so on.

I can read the Akashic Records and talk with my clients’ spirit guides, but that’s about all. Often, it feels I am just a conduit, a messenger in the spiritual world, with no real credit to myself.

I want to be brilliant so that I can help people realize their brilliance. Hopefully, I would do this simply by my existence. Instantly. I am far from being such a Light and this frustrates me a lot. In short, what the f-word am I doing here?

SP: So what do you think if I tell you you are already whole and complete?

Me: … that sounds like a big paradox. I sincerely work and work to improve my spirituality only to realize I am already whole and complete?

SP: Yes!

Me: … so… I don’t need to do anything?

Living in the Here and Now

SP: The only thing is you live in the hear and now. Completely. When you think you were thinner last summer, you are comparing yourself with the you of the past. When you think you would look nicer when you lose weight, you are comparing yourself with the future you and pressuring your current self. You are also believing you are less than desirable.

Me: ….

SP: Same thing with spiritual development or anything. You are comparing your current self with others, or the future potential you, or the past you. None of them matters to you — they don’t really exist.

Then there was a stream of visuals to help my understanding. We are like kids playing make-believe games. We are so into this game, for so long, that we have forgotten it’s just a game. We think this is reality.

Or it’s like living in a dream and we can’t wake up. (Remember the movie “Vanilla Sky”?)

Me: So let’s see… What happens when I really, totally, live in the here and now?

SP: Think.

Me: I guess that’s the same with loving myself totally. Because there is no point of comparison. I’m not sure if the word “love” is appropriate here, but this solid, focused, and warm feeling is like love.

SP: Good.

Me: This super simple feel is somehow familiar … I guess we felt this when we were babies.

SP: Yes.

Me: So living in the NOW is about waking up?

SP: It’s the gateway. You don’t wake up while you are participating in the make-believe game.

Me: But … is it really that simple? We just focus on the here and now and we realize we are already whole? And we wake up?

SP: It’s simple, yes, but may not be easy for many. Can you simply accept whatever happens to you?

The altered state of consciousness

Then my spirit guides reminded me of the experience I had two years ago. It’s something I’ve thought of writing on this blog — it’s certainly interesting — but just didn’t know how to.

It was August or September of 2008, the year I started taking clients for my Akashic Record Reading. I did a lot of work that day. In fact, I did more than I set out to do that day and it was still rather early in the evening. I remember I was feeling proud of my day.

It was still bright outside, so I decided to go out and take a walk.

I walked out of my office room (I was working on my computer) and went to the bathroom. When I stood up and turned around to flush, I almost fell as I lost balance. It felt as if an invisible hand made a big swing, causing a hard wind.

“Huh? What happened to me?”

It was different from the dizziness I would sometimes feel when I suddenly stand up (I have a low blood pressure). In those instances, I could feel my blood going down the head.

This time, however, it was something around me, not inside me.

I walked several steps to the sofa in my living room. (Tiny apartment, you know.) As I walked, the air around me felt thick, like it turned to a liquid gel. Mmm… maybe taking a walk is not a good idea. Let’s just lie on the sofa for a while. . .

Honestly, I was scared terribly. What had happened to me? Do I need to go to a doctor? But then, how do I explain this?

They’d probably think I was using some drugs. (I have never used drugs, by the way. But I’ve heard people talk what happens with certain drugs, and the sensation I was having seemed similar. But then, I am not sure.)

At that moment, I just wanted this weird condition to end. I was far from just living in the here and now. I was confused and terrified.

It ended after about 30 minutes. Looking back, I don’t really know why I was so scared. I sort of want to experience it again — seems interesting. (Needless to say, naturally, not with drugs. I totally hate the idea that some people use drugs to “induce” funny conditions.)

SP: Remember that? So do you think it would be easy to live in the here and now, no matter what happens?

Me: …

SP: People want to attach meanings and reasons to what they are experiencing. They think it’s a reward or a punishment of sort. They attach stories. The truth is, what is happening is just that. . . we are meant to just experience it.

And I have the feeling this is going to be essential in Ascension.

Okay, this is plenty to “download” for now. I am getting exhausted. (In addition to this “conversation”, there are some “road works” going on. It really feels that way — I think my spirit guides are building new connections, resurfacing the existing roads, etc.)

If you find this writing amusing, please send me some encouragement by leaving your comment. Thank you.

Embrace Your Uniqueness

This is my 200th post. I started this blog, originally called “Yes to Me”, in February 2008, so it took a little more than two years. And even though I’ve updated the blog name to “Real Life Spirituality”, embracing and celebrating our individual uniqueness remains to be the core message here. (Photo credit)

Are you embracing your uniqueness wholeheartedly?

It’s easier said than done. If you are like many people, you have heard the mantra of how important it is to do this, yet have stubborn resistance to practice it.

I’m no exception. In this post, let me share one of my “uniqueness” that, for a long time, I considered as less than desirable and how I came to terms with it. My hope is that, by sharing my experience, you’d feel comfortable and encouraged to embrace your own uniqueness.

It’s almost two years ago when I contributed my post Accepting and Loving our Uniqueness at Urban Monk. In that article, I confessed how I felt about my foreign accent. I’ve felt shy about speaking up, especially to strangers, because of my accent. Now mind you, my accent isn’t too bad. Most people have no problem understanding me. There are so many occasions these day when American people have to deal with internationals that they have learned how to listen to us. (Good grief!)

Challenges in embracing your uniqueness

Still there are times when someone points out how imperfect my English is. They are not necessarily mean people who are out to put down others. Some have been my close friends. For instance, I hired a personal finance coach last fall to assist me in making a few decisions. I have known her through her blog for some time. And she is brilliant and kind. Yet at the last session, she remarked, “You might want to improve your articulation of English. Maybe you should seek help with a speech pathologist.” That felt like a huge lumber suddenly hitting me in the middle. I wasn’t prepared for such a comment. I was depressed for several days.

I’m sharing this not to blame her or other people who have pointed out my accent. I’m sharing it because I suspect many of you have had similar experiences. You certainly have a few qualities, or personal quarks, that you see as your “uniqueness”. Perhaps you cannot do certain things in the standard way, like me speaking English. Perhaps you can do something so well it stands out oddly. Perhaps your opinions are so different they surprise your peers all the time even though you don’t intend to be different. And you have received remarks that hit you and depress you.

As a result, you may have concluded uniqueness is a problem, a liability, something you must cover up so that you can be accepted in the society.

Your inner judgment is hurting you

When someone points out your uniqueness and puts you down, it’s easy to think the other person, the one who made hurting comments, is too judgmental. But I dare tell you — the biggest judgment is sitting right within you.

In my case, my judgment about my own accent was the biggest issue. Sure, I formed my judgment based on the feedback I received from others, but once the judgment is in me, it was mine, and it multiplied the pain when I received more criticisms.

If I am truly comfortable with my background and therefore my accent, if I am really embracing my uniqueness, I’d be okay even when an uninformed person points out my difference. But I’ve been secretly afraid that my accent would make me look less intelligent, less appropriate, and less worthy.

How I came to embrace my uniqueness

Something changed within me recently. I started to think I am okay as I am.

I cannot pinpoint what brought this change. I think it’s a combination of many things. The big part is having friends who like me for who I am. Blogging has helped me a big deal in this.

Another part is me dropping my other judgments. I used to have many judgments. I’m an idealist. And for an idealist, the world and the people in the world fall short. For instance, when I saw overweight people, I couldn’t help feeling, “That is so unhealthy. And there are good ways to lose weight in a healthy way. Why are you staying that way? You don’t like it yourself, do you?” I never said this, but this kind of thoughts was always within me. Not any more. These days, when I go out, I just feel close to everyone I see, most of them strangers.

Finding my voice

Have you checked my last post The Most Important Message? That’s the first time I spoke up voluntarily to the general public. Speaking with my friends has been easy. Speaking to my Akashic Record Reading clients has been fine, too, because I know they are motivated to hear what I have to say about their Akashic Records. Plus, in phone sessions, if they don’t understand something I say, they can ask right away. I can explain or spell it out.

However, letting my voice and my accent heard over the internet was a big deal for me. Kind of like volunteering to show off my arm flab on the internet. I didn’t have to do it. But you know what? I actually enjoyed making that video. I guess something is indeed changing within me. And I think I’m the one who enjoys that message of love the most.

And the surprising thing is some people seem to like my voice, including the accent. I have received comments that my signature voice helps the message to sink in. I guess it’s like a funny face may be more interesting and memorable to remember than a perfectly symmetrical model face.

Are you embracing and celebrating your uniqueness?

What is your uniqueness that you have considered to be no good? Is that judgment true? Can you –no, will you choose to embrace and even celebrate your uniqueness? It’s really all up to you, whether you want to condemn your uniqueness or embrace it. The uniqueness is there — what do you want to do with it?

Why do we want to embrace our uniqueness? Because embracing your uniqueness is the start of loving yourself as you are. And until we completely love ourselves as we are right here and now, we cannot grow any further spiritually. Forced growth is a fake growth that will burst sooner or later, like the recent years’ stock market growth and burst. On the other hand, when we completely love ourselves, growth naturally happens. Self love is the foundation of all love and life.

Love yourself, with uniqueness and everything. Not the you that you would become when you love 10 lb or when you master that skill or when you get that job. Love the you that you are now and celebrate your uniqueness.

Bonus reading: Is your uniqueness related to body image?  Check out this brilliant post Loving Our Bodies At Any Size.

Online Gratitude Journal November 2009 Edition #35

Hi! Did you have a good Thanksgiving? (that is, if you are in the US, I guess.) Are you excited about the coming holidays? My November was filled with gratitudes. And one milestone achievement. . . (Photo credit)

November in Review

My highlight this month was definitely the completion of my eBook “Lightworker’s Guide to Self-Employment”. I’ve spent considerable amount of time and energy writing this eBook on spiritual entrepreneurship. It’s my gift — it’s FREE, so please check it out if you are interested in starting your own business.

Thank you all for your readership. A writing needs to be read, so you are supporting me a great deal just by reading this blog. ^_^

Fun

Have you noticed I redecorated the front page of this Yes to Me blog? The center column now shows random posts from “Ascension” and “Spirituality” categories. Because “Spirituality” is a huge category, I added subheaders that show the ten subcategories. (Everything on this blog is about spiritual growth, but I set aside” Ascension” as a special independent category, and also set aside “What’s Akemi Doing?” for posts that are mainly about sharing of my life — like this post.)

If you are reading this article by subscription, please click here to see the new front page!

Yes to Me now has nearly 200 articles. I hope this new design helps you to find older articles that you may have missed.

I also updated my About page and the blurb on the sidebar. Do you like it?

Challenges

As you probably know, English is my second language. I do quite well but I have a slight accent (and I make some grammatical errors, like with the singular / plural rules. . .). Most of the time, I hardly think about this. I know I have important messages to convey and I express them well in writing. When I do phone sessions for my Akashic Record Reading, most clients have no problem understanding me.

Except when I need to do public speaking.

I’ll be on Small Business Trend blog radio (podcast) in January, talking about spiritual entrepreneurship and my new eBook. Aaaagh! I feel a bit nervous! Wish me luck.

Where in the blogosphere Akemi has been

During the Thanksgiving week, I spent a lot of time on Twitter for the #RadicalGratitude experiment.

Twitter is fun. If you are willing, you can find interesting people worldwide to chat. I’m not sure how effective it is in marketing because I’m personally put off with people who only shout what they want to say and never seem to listen and respond to others even when they are talking straight to them (that is, using @, like @akemigaines. When you put in @akemigaines in your tweet, it shows up on the “Mentions” timeline on my Tweetdeck, so I can respond.)

If you are new to Twitter, a piece of advice is NOT to turn on auto-follow. There are so many internet marketers and hookers (I’m not joking) who just want to increase their follower numbers by preying on those who have automatic follow on. Let’s use Twitter for real conversation and learning. I follow people who have valuable messages (even if they don’t follow me back).

Some well-known spiritual teachers are on Twitter. My favorite is @Deepak_Chopra. He tweets great insights, and he often responds to tweeted questions.

Word of month

“How unconditional is your love for yourself?”
– Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy, aka SARK

I found this line in her article at Crazy Sexy Life. In the article, she describes how self-love helps to love others. Self-love is not about self-indulgence — it’s about loving life and the world as it unfolds from within.

The world is a mirror that reflects your beliefs, as Gregg Braden explains so eloquently in his book. Self-love, then is the beginning and the end of all LOVE.

Stay warm, friends. With gratitude,

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