Who Am I? The Self Inquiry Process

(Photo credit)
Since I read Ramana Maharshi, I’ve been meditating more on the question of “Who am I?” in his style. His answer is “The Self, which is identical to the Source and God”. However, memorizing someone else’s answer does no good — I need to know for myself.

Here is my personal report of this self-inquiry.

The premise

First, I understand that I am always I am. There is never a moment when I am not who I am, never was, never will be. I may pretend to be someone, but it’s impossible for me to be not me. This is not spiritual — it’s a basic logic.

So from there, I assume who I am is something constant, something that doesn’t come and go.

The problem of neti-neti

Some nondualism teachers use “neti-neti” approach to explore who I am. Neti-neti means “not this, not this”. It’s a way to explore who I am by identifying who I am not.

I see a fundamental issue here. Neti-neti is a form of inductive reasoning and therefore has the same issue of induction. Just because it is true that I am not A, B, C (or D, and E) doesn’t mean I am something that is beyond A, B, C, D, and E. I may be F.

I agree with nondualism teachers that I am not my thoughts, not my mind, not my feelings, not my history and personality that was formed by the history, not my body. Typically, at this point, the nondualism says, “But there is this awareness that is aware of all these. So you are awareness.”

To this I wonder: Ah, but what about the soul and the Higher Self?

Perhaps because the idea of a soul was nonexistent in Asia, where nondualism started, they don’t check if I am a soul / Higher Self.

Awareness is the nature of the soul

In my understanding, awareness and the soul / Higher Self are the same. Awareness is the nature of the soul. Souls come to this world to experience, to be aware.

So my conclusion is really not different from their teaching (although personally, as the Akashic Record Reader, the minor difference of perspective is important).

As I wrote in my first article of “Who Am I?”, there is really no individuality at the Higher Self level. The individual soul is as real as the individual body — and just as illusionary. (If you are wondering the difference between the soul and the Higher Self, please check the linked article. When the distinction doesn’t matter, I use the words interchangeably.)

I am essentially my Higher Self exploring this strange and interesting world using an avatar called Akemi’s soul in Akemi’s body. It’s like playing a virtual reality simulation game.

The answer to “Who am I?”

I’ve seen many answers to this questions such as:

• I am energy taking the form of my body.
• I am a higher dimensional being.
• I am the extension of God’s love.

Well, to me, these (and more) just sound like mental constructs. They certainly sound nice, or even noble, but what do they really mean?

When I contemplate this question “Who am I?”, my honest answer is “I don’t know.” I sense I am here. Here is me. But I cannot explain who I am just as I cannot see the back of my own eye. I don’t know who I am — I just exist here. Well, let’s find out what I am like by experiencing various things in this world, shall we?

You want to know the meaning of life?

And that’s the meaning of life, meaning of existing as physical being here. I don’t know who I am. I just am. Well, that’s okay, but why not engage in a game to get to know myself by experiencing so many things?

Here is a passage I wrote for myself:

I am what is looking at the world through Akemi’s eyes (for now, at least), feeling in Akemi’s body, thinking with Akemi’s poopoo little brain. Akemi really doesn’t exist in the way she thinks she does — that’s just her belief, her ego’s belief.

When I look through Akemi’s eyes and see, say, a tree, I recognize it — hey, that tree feels familiar. I know that tree. In fact, I was that tree before (if you believe in linear time). So this is how that tree looks like from Akemi’s viewpoint!

I guess people are the same way, too. We play the game of the offender and the offended, the lover and the beloved, the stranger and another stranger, to see how it all feels. For the sake of awareness.

At this point, a strange thought came up in me: Does the Higher Self even care about me?

To this, the answer was:

Well, I am more Akemi than Akemi (that is, Akemi as Akemi thinks she is, as a limited and separate entity). I mean, of course I care for Akemi — by that you mean, Akemi’s body, right?

But then, if Akemi’s ego insists on acting out in a certain way, I (Higher Self) play along with it to see and experience what happens. I am all for experiencing. I am awareness.

All experiences are great. Even what people call bad experiences are great in the same way watching a play of tragedy (like Hamlet) is great.

And nothing is “same old.” I can only experience the present. Nothing is ordinary — I have no standard to judge things against. Everything is interesting. I love everything.

And experiencing doesn’t have to be about running around to do more. The “I” seem to like just watching the sky, for instance.

The awareness and the body

I think the Higher Self / awareness is more closely connected to the body than to the mind because the body is our tool to experience. The Higher Self is not interested in the commentaries of the mind — that is like indirect, secondhand experiences. So the feelings (both the emotions and the kinesthetic kinds) are more directly connected to the Higher Self than thoughts, memories, and beliefs.

In the end, it doesn’t matter what we call it. I’ve been using the word “Higher Self” because this was the term that was often used in the corner of the world I used to be familiar with, but because I never talk about “lower self”, I might just call it “Self” (as opposed to self, which is an illusionary reflection of Self). You might call it spirit, awareness, the “I am” or A to Z. (Um, yes, I imitated Jesus, who said, “I am the alpha and the omega.” He didn’t mean he alone is such — each and every “I” am the alpha and the omega.)

What do you think? Have you read Ramana Maharshi or other nondualism teachings? What is your heartfelt response to the question, “Who am I?”

Motivation vs Inspiration

Motivation and inspiration are two words that are often used interchangeably. However, there is a fundamental difference, and understanding this difference makes a whole lot difference in the quality of your life. (Photo credit)

Motivation is based on lack

Motivation is what you feel when you hit the bottom. Or when you hear a motivational speaker talk about how he doubled his income by practicing his success principles. It’s based on lack. You seek out something you don’t possess. That is, your thinking mind seeks out what it thinks missing in you.

So when you are motivated, you are driven to work hard. For a while, this is great. But soon, you run out of gas. The stress of pressuring yourself to be someone you are not wears you out. This is why few people succeed with motivation in the long run.

It doesn’t mean your willpower is weak. Motivation has innate problems. If you intuitively felt weary or even depressed at motivational arts (you know, like the photo of a climber with the word “Success” or “Persistence”) or felt uncomfortable with motivation speeches and slogans, you are not alone and you are quite keen at sensing some lies.

Motivation is more or less manipulative. Many organizations and their managers use motivation to push people to their goals, not their own.

Inspiration is based on our innate power

Inspiration, on the other hand, is what you feel when you read something that deeply resonates within you. You might also feel inspired with music, arts, or being in nature. I’m talking about the kind of writing, music, and arts that remind you who you really are on the soul level. Or you may be inspired when you are in love. It’s based on our innate power.

We are essentially the soul in the body. But we often forget this. This physical world is full of distractions, and there are various peer pressures to stay in the social circles based on materialism. Deep down, however, we never forget who we really are. And this sense of self realization comes to surface when we experience something as beautiful as we knew in the spiritual world. This is inspiration.

When you are inspired, you feel empowered. You are becoming who you really are, so there is no manipulative pressure. Instead there is expansive joy. This soul level joy continues as long as you stay inspired, and losing this inspiration is the last thing you want. Unfortunately, we still do lose our inspiration — again, this physical world is very distracting — but even when you do, the experience leaves you feeling warm inside.

Motivation and inspiration in the real world

Not many people use these two words with clear consciousness, so you need to be your own authority to tell which is which. Just because a book says it’s “inspirational” doesn’t mean it is — it may be motivational.

For instance, I happened to see an “inspirational” website that said, “This is your second act…your chance to live large so that you don’t wake up one morning, decades too late, wondering what the hell just happened.” Do you see how it uses the fear tactic and sense of lack to get people to action? I call this motivational. A bad one at that — I don’t like the age discrimination it’s based on.

The example of inspirational resource is hard to quote because each person is different so each person finds different things to be inspiring. For me, Marianne Williamson’s following quote has been super inspirational. As I wrote in my eBook, it changed my life:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

What inspires you? And have you been driven unduly by motivation? Please share in the comment. Thank you.

My Declaration Of Independence

Happy Independence Day! I wasn’t planning to post today, but my friend earthmother left an inspiring comment to my Gratitude Journal suggesting to write my own Declaration of Independence. “Let’s write our own Declaration of Independence. What do you wish to declare or break free from today?”

Also, I found this personal Declaration of Independence at a blog I started following recently. Joy Mazzola writes beautifully, and it could well be my own Declaration.

So here we go. It’s a kind of meme, and you are free to join. It doesn’t matter if you are American or not. (I’m not. I’m a “resident alien” — this is the legal term for those immigrants with greencards. If we define America as the country of immigrants, however, I represent the true American spirit.) Even if you are British, consider this as a day to reclaim your Power. It’s a day of self-awareness. ^_^

My personal Declaration of Independence

I declare my independence from all teachers as I realize the highest authority within myself. I still respect all the teachers I have learned from, and as an avid learner, I will keep learning from various teachers, but I understand I am my own best teacher and pioneer researcher.

I fully understand the responsibility that comes with this declaration. All my life, I have tried to be the best student. Now I see my effort is misdirected. I am on my own path to find my horizon. My Ascension. And the divinity is within me.

I declare my liberation on all physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual levels. Physically, I will keep my body free from various toxins in foods, cosmetics, and so on to the best I can. I’ve already quit drinking coffee — the caffein withdrawal symptoms were horrible, which made me worry how much it may have affected my body. I will keep this journey of freeing myself from toxins, and with my spiritual self-authenticity, I expect freedom on the emotional and mental levels as well.

I joyfully accept my part in creating the New World based on Love, Light, Truth, Abundance and Power. I am just one person (a petite one, for that) but I know me doing my part in my personal and professional life (the two are merged and integrated within me) connects me to other lightworkers, and together we will manifest the wonderful New World. Independence is not about isolation.

I fully embrace my creative power. I will not shy away from attention, fame, monetary gains just because they are associated with greed. I trust that what comes my way has a meaning whether I immediately understand it or not.

On this beautiful summer morning, I declare my true Independence. With gratitude to the Light Source (or God), my angels and spirt guides, my incarnated friends both online and local, to my heritage, my future self. Thank you, thank you, thank you. (Photo Credit)