Review: The Year Of Yes By Maria Dahvana Headley
Here is a young woman who practiced the principle of Love and found Light. Her honesty and sense of humor are brilliant, and it’s a great fun read to understand Love and Light in everyday terms.
Unconditional love in the dating scene
The author, Maria Dahvana Headley, a college student in New York City, had a problem. She didn’t have a date on Valentine’s Day. Why is this so? She is an attractive young woman. “I was becoming convinced that I was going to be lonely for the rest of my life,” she writes. So she decided to do one thing different for the coming year: she will date all men who ask her out. (For the record, she does not have sex with all her dates . . . just with some of them 
)
It’s a little long, but let me quote her:
I decided that I would say YES to every man who asked me out on a date. I’d go out with all of them, at least once. I’d stop pretending to be deaf when my taxi drivers tried to tell me I was cute. I’d stop pretending to be crazy when strange guys walked too close to me on the streets. I’d turn toward them, and smile. And if they wanted to go out with me, I’d say, “Sure.”
No more nos.
Well. A couple of exceptions. No one who was obviously violent, or too drunk or drugged out to walk. No one who introduced himself by grabbing me.
Whew. This is a big challenge. And she follows through, starting with the maintenance guy of her apartment.
“Plying my heart open”
This is her expression of the process. Before this experiment, she was picky and critical. Like most of us are. But as she got to know so many people — old, young, rich, homeless, well-educated, new immigrants, a few women — she started to see people in a new way. She connected with people, not just men but everyone including her neighbors, with sincere human interests and compassion.
Spirituality teachers and texts talk about acceptance and compassion. Many times, however, they then turn around and accuse the less conscious, less loving, or less of whatever. (This ultimately leads to the idea of the big judgment day.)
Maria presents a delightful contrast by developing unconditional acceptance and compassion through the seemingly humble or even low act of dating with all men. Conventional thinking may label her slut. I think she is a madonna with sexuality.
As I wrote in the Love part of the Creating The New World series, unconditional love is the only love there is. All conditions and judgments are BS.
I first read this book when it came out as hardcover in 2006 and was so impressed. Since I was (well, still am) single, I thought of doing the same. I quickly found I just don’t have the guts nor the energy to do so. So hat off to Maria. I sincerely want to have her level of openness and love.
Sexuality and spirituality
Can we awaken our spirituality through romantic / sexual love? Or are sexuality and spirituality like oil and water, never can be mixed well?
This has been a big question for me for many years. I’ve been drawn to spiritual development, but part of me hesitated as I smelled the hypocrisy and cold judgmental attitude of the “spiritual” people.
As you know, many spiritual traditions put down sexuality and sexual love. There is a reason to this. For men, sexual drive can be so strong to the point it is violent, which is of course no good. For women, being attached to her lover and children can possibly hinder greater level of love.
And, even though it is mostly hidden, there are also a few spiritual practices that encourage sexuality. Tantric sex is one. (Don’t ask me what it is . . . I only know the term. Lisa, the mommy mystic, wrote a great series of posts on second chakra and talks about this in her comments) Also, in the ancient days, there were shamanic “festivals” that involved spontaneous coupling. If sexuality is against spirituality, how can these things happen?
Reading The Year Of Yes helped me understand this.
Many paths to spiritual awareness
1. Complete abstinence
You can abstain from all sexual activities and devote yourself to bigger sense of love in your path to spirituality. Because there are indeed some challenges in sexuality as I pointed out above, this is a valid approach. However, it comes with a cost of suppressing our sexuality, the natural part in us.
As Akashic Record Reader, I see so many energetic issues stemming from becoming or being a monk / nun. This is just a very hard way to spirituality. And may I remind you that Buddha was a married man before he started his spiritual development. I don’t think Jesus was a virgin boy, either — Mary Magdalene was his wife.
2. Embracing your sexuality
There are two ways within this path: You can heighten your spirituality either through your sexuality or despite your sexuality.
Many try the latter, which involves difficult balancing act within yourself. If you have negative feelings about sexuality, your sexuality would feel like a drag or block to spirituality. And because sex takes two, if your interpersonal communication skill and personal boundaries are underdeveloped, sex would likely become a problem than blessing.
Maria took the path directly through her sexuality. Spiritual development wasn’t her objective in the beginning, but she ended up with spiritual light. Again, this path takes guts. She went through many embarrassments and disappointments. When done well, however, this path marries sexuality and spirituality beautifully. . . I see such possibility.
Her polyamorous approach ends in finding the one love of her life. Quite an unexpected and lovely ending. Reality is stranger than fiction and love is a miracle.
