Our Addiction To Judgments And Problems

It’s been a week since I moved to a little gem of a town called Eugene, Oregon. The whole experience was, in a sense, more fundamentally moving than coming to the U.S. I’m in cultural shock. I’m humbled. I’m amazed. . . (Photo credit)

World migrant gets a surprise

Just to give you an idea, this is where I have lived in my life so far:

• Japan
• Sydney, Australia (1 year as a high school exchange student)
• Columbus, Ohio (10 years)
• Nashville, Tennessee (3 years)
• Portland, Oregon (2 years)

The last three are all in the United States, but crossing the Mason-Dixon Line was like crossing an invisible cultural border between the North and the South (it is still referred to as the Union and the Confederate in the South.) And west of the Rockies is quite another, too — I’m pretty sure the west coast states don’t consider themselves as part of the continental America. . . or as part of America at all.

So you would think, for a world migrant like Akemi, moving 100 miles to Eugene is a breeze. Some physical work to do, but emotionally, it’s no big deal, right?

Boy, no way.

The first shock came when I first visited this apartment complex. The leasing manager showed me a few open units. I noticed she just simply open the door without the key, and when we were done, she just closed the door. So I asked if she locked the open units at night and her answer was no.

You know, I’ve been working since I was six years old, and locking up the office and the storage unit was part of my responsibility. Coming to the US, I was told to be even more watchful against potential crimes. And here you are, meeting a middle-aged manager who seems to be quite conventional otherwise, never thinking twice of not locking the apartments. She swears nothing ever happened, even when she had leased furniture inside for corporate relocation.

. . . well, I signed up and now live in one of her townhouse. I still lock my door. . .

I asked for a quiet and peaceful place to live, and I got it

A little background of my moving. I liked where I was, but it was so noisy with the neighbors on both sides and downstairs. (I had an apartment on the top floor.) My intent was to live in a quiet peaceful place where I can rest and work well.

Gee, did I get that.

I now live in a townhouse. No one is above me or below me. It seems to have been built well that I hardly hear my next door neighbors, either.

But it’s not just the lack of someone else’s music and loud conversation. The quality of peacefulness here is beyond expectation.

I’m on a mid-hill on the southwest edge of Eugene. From my living room, I can see the mountains across the valley above the roofs of other houses. There are also some trees, and looking at their leaves quietly moving in the gentle breeze is so calming. Behind all these, the sky is big and close. I can spend the whole morning just looking at the trees, the mountains, and the sky.

Really, I can spend hours just being there. I don’t know how to describe it. I am left speechless. I feel as if I am blending into the whole environment. It’s better than bliss or happiness. In bliss, there is still me.

Driving around the new town

Eugene is such a small town that I can get anywhere in 15 minutes or so (although I live at the edge of town). No heavy traffic. And the directions are so simple. There are only a few roads I need to remember. This is such a relief for me because I’m not very good at finding directions. (By the way, the speed limit is 25 to 35 mph even on major roads. Around schools, it’s 20 mph all day, from 7 am to 5 pm. Why make haste, you know?)

Despite the small size, I find it easier to eat vegetarian (mostly vegan and raw) here. Well, not just vegetarian, how about organic, locally-grown vegetarian? There are some excellent grocery stores that carry stuffs I never saw in Portland. And there are quite a few vegetarian-friendly restaurants. I plan to go to the farmers’ market this weekend.

People are friendly here. I went to the DMV (Department of Motor Vehicle) this morning. Usually, people at government agencies like this have bad attitude. Not here. The guy at the information desk is more friendly than any customer service person you met.

Honestly I get nervous a bit when I go to this kind of place. Not that I did something wrong, but because of past experiences, I sort of expect unpleasant encounter at these places. I was wrong. I was treated well, and it took less than half an hour. . .

So? Is there a problem?

Kind of. Did you notice what I said in the previous paragraph?

I was expecting problems. In reality, I didn’t get it. And I found myself seeking something else.

What something? Well, pretty much anything. Something I can be concerned about, to be mentally prepared for, something I can bounce in my head and “work” on.

This surprised me. I thought I’ve worked out my addiction to judgments and problems. I know many of us actually like having problems regardless of what we may say, and that is the very reason why we never run out of problems. We have a deep-rooted love and hate relationship with problems. We are addicted to judgments and we keep creating problems by our judgments.

But me? Am I still craving for problems? I am in a beautiful, peaceful new place and enjoying it, right? Or do I still have a tiny bit of discomfort with this level of peace?

This peace is almost numbing. It’s like losing myself. I know losing myself (my ego) is a good thing. But it’s just . . . different. Suddenly, there is hardly any problems out there, so now it’s either I completely accept this peace or I have to seek problems within me. Aaaaaaagh!

Creating our life and the world

We create our own life and the world. Some people describe this “The world is our own mirror.” Then I guess I must have done something good to create such a peaceful place to live for myself. The remaining drama-loving ego gotta go.

I’ll see how this works. And I really wonder why the rest of the world cannot be like this . . . there is no reason it cannot be. When we all wake up and be done with our own addiction to judgements and problems, this world will be transformed to a “heaven on earth.”