Synonyms For Love

Love is a small word with a big meaning. So as a follow up to I Love You, I am writing my thoughts on love.

Love and the heart

I am not talking about love as opposed to hate. That’s the conditional love based on calculation. I am not talking about love as obsession or possessiveness.

What I mean by love is the natural flow of energy when we open our hearts. (Whereas obsession and possessiveness close the heart.) So love is hard to define, just as the “I” is hard to define. But still, let me work around love. . .

Love is acceptance

Acceptance is a close synonym of love. When I accept someone or something as they are, I am opening my heart and loving them.

For those of you who thought “Acceptance? That’s all?”, may I ask who accept you exactly who you are. My parents wanted me to be one way or the other, as they fancied, and I think this is a pretty typical case. I am currently unattached, but even when I was married, I don’t think he accepted the whole me. So acceptance — complete acceptance — is a big deal.

Acceptance is the same with allowing when something is happening. In other words, no resistance. I don’t know who said this, but I like the quote:

Love means never saying I told you so.

Love is appreciation

Appreciation and gratitude are also synonyms of love. The key is to appreciate everything, not just what you think is good. To love something totally, appreciate both the sunny side and the shadow side.

Obviously, to accept and to appreciate, we need to notice. Consider this quote:

The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference.
The opposite of art is not ugliness, it’s indifference.
The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference.
And the opposite of life is not death, it’s indifference. — Elie Wiesel

Love is … forgiveness?

Forgiveness is a form of love. However, most forgiveness is done from the head rather than from the heart.

Real forgiveness is being okay with it. So when you see someone you intend to forgive, and you are the same you as you always are, then you have forgiven. Or when a memory wells up and you can say in your mind, “Hi, memory, do you need something from me?”, then you have forgiven. (And the memory automatically disappears.)

Are there other ways to say “I love you”? Let me know. With love, acceptance, and appreciation.
(Photo credit)

Acceptance Is The Key To Peace And Joy

(Photo credit)
Let me ask you a really simple question: What do you want in life?

We often complicate things too much, I’m afraid. And sure, there are many nice things in life. But what do you really want?

Here is my take:

Unwavering peace and joy

So now, let’s examine how I may have this.

What won’t bring peace and joy

Money won’t do it. Money may solve some of life’s problems and bring temporary reliefs, or even joy, but then it brings other types of concerns, such as fear of losing the money.

I guess the people who think money brings happiness are the most happy people who never really had much money. I’ve had the life of famous brand dresses and dinners at five star restaurants. How was it, you may ask? A great tasting dinner is just stuffing after I swallow it, no different from cheap candy bars. Same with any other luxuries. Huh, I still have some of the silk scarfs just as reminders.

Some people go for power and fame. Do they bring peace and joy? Um, I just don’t think so. They bring more headaches and bothersome. (Worldly power comes with responsibilities to others. Do I really want to be so responsible for other people’s wellness? And fame? Do I want to be noticed when I go grocery shopping?)

Relationships and sex don’t do it, either. Sure, it’s nice to have someone to share and be close to. (Friendships are great, and if things allow, why not throw in some sexual pleasures?) Lots of peace and joy there. And then you notice the peace and joy came with a hidden concern — of loss. It takes a lot of inner strength to just enjoy what I have now and never to be attached. It doesn’t matter if the partner is committed or not. (If you are really honest, you know you yourself aren’t solid in anything.)

This doesn’t mean I don’t want relationships — just as I intend to have reasonable amount of money to have comfortable earthly life, I appreciate good companies — but it does mean relationships are not what bring the kind of peace and joy I want.

I read somewhere that there are only three fundamental things in life anyone can wish for: health, wealth, and relationships. So what about health? I have long believed health is the most essential ingredients in life, basis of all others. But does health bring consistent peace and joy?

It helps, but no, it doesn’t guarantee it. Moreover, the fixation on achieving and staying in health can cause a lot of fear, ironically. When I think of health, I notice there are so many judgments — what is supposed to be good for health and what not. So I am constantly required to make decisions, which is very tiring.

Dualism

All judgements, whether it’s about health or whatever, causes stress. Every time I judge something is good, and therefore make others bad, I sense part of me falling off. Sooner or later the ignored part will come back to me with vengeance. This is the problem of dualism.

How about balancing the good and the bad? Well, balance is possible only momentarily. And again, it’s very tiring.

(This doesn’t mean I intend to eat junk food in favor of “healthy” foods. But it does mean there is an inherent tension in deeming certain foods or lifestyle as “healthy” even when that judgment is scientifically correct. The ironical increase of health problems in recent years, as we gain more and more knowledge of healthy lifestyle, is a proof of this, I think.)

Is this even possible then?

So I gather none of the things outside of me can bring the kind of stable peace and joy I want. Well, this is self-evident, actually. I want unwavering peace and joy. The unshakable, absolutely stable peace and joy cannot be dependent on something outside of me, which by nature comes and goes.

At this point, I’m starting to wonder if this is even possible. But then, here is the thing: I don’t believe I can want something I don’t know about. If I don’t know what unshakable peace and joy may be, how could I come up with the wish to have them?

The nature of “wanting”

My wise spirit guides advised me to take a step back. Why do I want unwavering peace and joy?

“Well, they are good qualities, aren’t they? And I don’t like the uneasy feeling that wells up in me from time to time. I don’t like the tension in my stomach. I want to be in the good feeling of peace and joy. . .”

What are the opposite of peace and joy? Fear, unease, tension, difficulty, jealousy, upset, feeling of unworthiness, “suffering” of life. . .

My spirit guides: So, by wanting peace and joy, you are directing your attention to identifying what you find to be peace and joy, therefore making others as non-peace and non-joy, mentally rejecting them. Remember what you just figured out about dualism?

More of spirit guides: I understand you’d prefer what is pleasant for you. Nothing wrong about that. But when you “want” peace and joy, you are resisting what you don’t find to be peace and joy, and that resistance causes a lot of pain, perhaps far more than the original disruption.

That original discomfort would pass pretty quickly if you don’t resist.

Loving all there is

So I am better off if I accept everything as they are? Love what is? (Hey, isn’t this the title of Byron Katie — which I haven’t read)

By loving all there is as they are, with no judging, no resisting, no running around to fix it, no preventing it, and so on — everything becomes more or less okay and I end up in peace and joy. And the peace and joy are unaffected by the happenings in my life so they are stable.

When I get what I like, that is great.
When I don’t get what I like, I’m still okay.
When I get what irritates my feelings — ah, how interesting. (Hey, peace doesn’t have to be boring and monotonous!)

Or even better, just quiet my mind and don’t even notice what I am “getting”. Just accept what they are.

I’m going to try this nondualism approach to see how it fits me.

Review: The Year Of Yes By Maria Dahvana Headley

Here is a young woman who practiced the principle of Love and found Light.  Her honesty and sense of humor are brilliant, and it’s a great fun read to understand Love and Light in everyday terms. 

Unconditional love in the dating scene

The author, Maria Dahvana Headley, a college student in New York City, had a problem.  She didn’t have a date on Valentine’s Day.  Why is this so?  She is an attractive young woman.  “I was becoming convinced that I was going to be lonely for the rest of my life,” she writes.  So she decided to do one thing different for the coming year: she will date all men who ask her out.  (For the record, she does not have sex with all her dates . . . just with some of them ) 

It’s a little long, but let me quote her:

I decided that I would say YES to every man who asked me out on a date. I’d go out with all of them, at least once.  I’d stop pretending to be deaf when my taxi drivers tried to tell me I was cute. I’d stop pretending to be crazy when strange guys walked too close to me on the streets.  I’d turn toward them, and smile.  And if they wanted to go out with me, I’d say, “Sure.”

No more nos.

Well.  A couple of exceptions.  No one who was obviously violent, or too drunk or drugged out to walk.  No one who introduced himself by grabbing me.

 
Whew.  This is a big challenge.  And she follows through, starting with the maintenance guy of her apartment.  

“Plying my heart open”

This is her expression of the process.  Before this experiment, she was picky and critical.  Like most of us are.  But as she got to know so many people — old, young, rich, homeless, well-educated, new immigrants, a few women — she started to see people in a new way.  She connected with people, not just men but everyone including her neighbors, with sincere human interests and compassion.  

Spirituality teachers and texts talk about acceptance and compassion.  Many times, however, they then turn around and accuse the less conscious, less loving, or less of whatever.  (This ultimately leads to the idea of the big judgment day.) 

Maria presents a delightful contrast by developing unconditional acceptance and compassion through the seemingly humble or even low act of dating with all men.  Conventional thinking may label her slut.  I think she is a madonna with sexuality.   

As I wrote in the Love part of the Creating The New World series, unconditional love is the only love there is.  All conditions and judgments are BS.  

I first read this book when it came out as hardcover in 2006 and was so impressed.  Since I was (well, still am) single, I thought of doing the same.  I quickly found I just don’t have the guts nor the energy to do so.  So hat off to Maria.  I sincerely want to have her level of openness and love. 

Sexuality and spirituality

Can we awaken our spirituality through romantic / sexual love?  Or are sexuality and spirituality like oil and water, never can be mixed well?  

This has been a big question for me for many years.  I’ve been drawn to spiritual development, but part of me hesitated as I smelled the hypocrisy and cold judgmental attitude of the “spiritual” people.  

As you know, many spiritual traditions put down sexuality and sexual love.  There is a reason to this.  For men, sexual drive can be so strong to the point it is violent, which is of course no good.  For women, being attached to her lover and children can possibly hinder greater level of love.  

And, even though it is mostly hidden, there are also a few spiritual practices that encourage sexuality.  Tantric sex is one. (Don’t ask me what it is . . . I only know the term.  Lisa, the mommy mystic, wrote a great series of posts on second chakra and talks about this in her comments)  Also, in the ancient days, there were shamanic “festivals” that involved spontaneous coupling.  If sexuality is against spirituality, how can these things happen?  

Reading The Year Of Yes helped me understand this. 

Many paths to spiritual awareness

1. Complete abstinence

You can abstain from all sexual activities and devote yourself to bigger sense of love in your path to spirituality.  Because there are indeed some challenges in sexuality as I pointed out above, this is a valid approach.  However, it comes with a cost of suppressing our sexuality, the natural part in us.  

As Akashic Record Reader, I see so many energetic issues stemming from becoming or being a monk / nun.  This is just a very hard way to spirituality.  And may I remind you that Buddha was a married man before he started his spiritual development.  I don’t think Jesus was a virgin boy, either — Mary Magdalene was his wife. 

2. Embracing your sexuality

There are two ways within this path: You can heighten your spirituality either through your sexuality or despite your sexuality.  

Many try the latter, which involves difficult balancing act within yourself.  If you have negative feelings about sexuality, your sexuality would feel like a drag or block to spirituality.  And because sex takes two, if your interpersonal communication skill and personal boundaries are underdeveloped, sex would likely become a problem than blessing.  

Maria took the path directly through her sexuality.  Spiritual development wasn’t her objective in the beginning, but she ended up with spiritual light.  Again, this path takes guts.  She went through many embarrassments and disappointments.  When done well, however, this path marries sexuality and spirituality beautifully. . . I see such possibility.  

Her polyamorous approach ends in finding the one love of her life.  Quite an unexpected and lovely ending.  Reality is stranger than fiction and love is a miracle.