Gratitude For Time For Myself, Online Gratitude Journal #17
November 14, 2008 by Akemi
Your money or your time
Recently I had a serious confrontation with my inner child. She was upset.
My inner child: You lied.
Me: What!?
My inner child: You lied. You said when your business grows, you’ll have more money, and we’d go out playing.
Me: Um, yes. I really mean so. Why is that a lie?
My inner child: Well, your business is growing, and you are busier than ever before. We don’t have time to play. We don’t even have time to sit down and chat. You’ve been ignoring me.
For the sake of clarity – my business is growing, thanks largely to my friends’ help, and I’m sincerely grateful. And I love and am proud of what I do. My inner child’s complaint has nothing to do with the satisfaction level of my work.
Me: Well . . . it’s taking off, but it’s far from success. We just made it past the break-even line and when we pay the quarterly self-employment tax for the first time in January, we won’t have so much left. Actually not really enough to pay all the bills yet. It’s very important to build a solid foundation of business at this time. And . . .
My inner child: SO WHAT? We have some money now, right? So we don’t really need to worry about becoming homeless. Then we can play, can’t we?
Me: Umm . . .
My inner child: I don’t really care how much money we have. What I want is to do what I want to do when I want to do it.
What do you really want in your life?
I could see her point. I thought money would buy me the time to enjoy life, and maybe when I have plenty of passive incomes, it can work that way, but right now, the more I work, the less time I have. I don’t have time these days to do things just for fun. I hardly have time to care for myself.
I have financial responsibility to provide secure residence and enough foods to myself (I mean, to my inner child) but it’s also true that I’ve gotten myself in a growth dilemma.
So I realize it’s not money that I really desire. I want freedom, I want love, and I want to further my spiritual growth. Money as numbers doesn’t thrill me – it’s so abstract. Money as a means to get what I want is good, but then, it’s easier to desire the very things rather than the money.
How about you? Do you really want more money, or is it something else but you are substituting it with money?
My Law of Attraction Dream Money Project
This Dream Money Project has been a fun way to stretch my wealth consciousness. But I feel I’ve done enough of that. Also, beyond one million dollars, I think it’s more about paying back to the society rather than using it for myself.
I guess I have a bit different attitude about money. Many people seem to dream of big houses and shiny new cars when they use the Law of Attraction. I don’t quite get it. I own a beautiful 3 bedroom, 2 bath, 2 car garage house back in Tennessee (anyone want to rent it?), but when I was living there myself, I was only using half of the house. I felt kind of stupid. And car? I just don’t get what the big deal is about Lamborghini or even BMW. I want a safe reliable car that is reasonably good looking. I currently drive 2006 Civic and quite happy about it. Maybe one day I will get a Prius, but that’s about all I want.
How about things like dresses and jewelry, you may ask. Well, I love looking nice, but my preferred dress code is casual or boho. It can be expensive but not pretentious. I hate pretentious. And I hate boring. To me, certain brand goods just look so boring. I do like jewelry because I love stones and pearls. For me, they are more like arts and crafts to be appreciated than personal show of wealth.
For the Law of Attraction to work, the target of my desire need to be something (or people or events) that get me excited and happy. Money and material stuffs (without personal meanings) don’t do that to me. Things that signify freedom and love do. Like seasonal flowers. Time to enjoy music and arts. Time to read and learn, time to write and share my passion. Time to hit the road to see the ocean when I feel like it. Organic foods, and time to cook. Or the fun to dine out occasionally. I want to try ayurveda spa. And aromatherapy (or just playing with some flower essential oils). And . . .
Okay, I think my inner child is getting happy again.
So my Dream Money Project is put aside for now. From next edition of Gratitude Friday, I plan to start “Intention Game” to practice the Law of Attraction further.
Link Love
Well, even though I’m getting off the Dream Money Project, I know this is a great way to stretch the mind. My friend Mokihana just started it. Have fun with this, Mokihana!
Recently I’ve had the honor to be interviewed by two great bloggers. Davina’s interview focuses on intuition, dreams, and spiritual guidance. It also includes fascinating topics such as déjà vu and out-of-body experience.
Alex at Someday Syndrome interviewed me on a more personal side.
Additionally, I had the opportunity to guest post at Pick The Brain. It’s about how spirituality helps entrepreneurs – very important topic. Please check them out, stumble, digg, whatever love you can share ^_^
Update: Looks like the aforementioned post at Pick The Brain went to be posted at The Huffington Post. Cool.
Today I’m grateful for the coffee and the chocolate biscotti, Amazon.com that make it so easy to get hard-to-find books, Burt’s Bees Almond Milk Hand Cream, and even the rain (it’s been raining daily for two weeks here, but it’s finally clearing up!).
Okay, this is it for this week. I’m going to have a bit of R&R this weekend. Got to keep the inner child happy . . . (Photo by Mr. Greenjeans)
No related posts.
Heya Akemi – great post
!
I discovered early on that what I wanted wasn’t necessarily more money, but the ability to live in such a way that if I wanted or needed something, I could afford it without having to worry where the money for it would come from.
In some ways, that’s a really fuzzy goal, because whether or not I achieve it depends on what I want or need at a given time. But at the same time, looking back, I realise I’ve pretty much achieved it already. Yeah, there are things that I’d “kind of like” to do that I can’t afford right now. But for my day to day life, I’m definitely there, with a foundation of savings that mean if things suddenly changed for the worse, I wouldn’t have to panic for a wee while.
Sometimes I feel a kind of pressure from self-improvement/personal development experts to raise my sights financially. But the truth is… I think I’m actually happy where I am now.
Which is kind of a cool realisation
Blessings
Starfire
Akemi, it’s wonderful to meet your wise inner child. I like that she stimulated you to think and feel about your intentions in a fresh and nourishing way.
I resonate with your message that money ought to be a servant to our desires and that life is really more about love and freedom than it is about money.
I look forward to following the links you provided at the end of your post and I do so look forward to playing your Intention Game in the weeks to come.
Blessings, and light,
Christopher
Hi Akemi. Congratulations on your success! I understand what you mean about money. I’m living on a very meek income right now and with the exception of a few saboteur-ridden days, I’m happier than I’ve been in a while. I’m doing what I love and it is shining through.
My friends all notice the change too and wonder what I’ve been doing. Some of them look at me with fear in their eyes when they find out how meekly I’m living. Obviously the monetary flow must be increased over time or I will have to look at taking a job, but I find it interesting to note how happy I am and it’s not related to money at all.
I hope you have a great relaxing weekend with your inner child. Sounds like you’ll be winding up for a winning week after that.
Hi Starfire,
That’s my definition of being rich — to be able to get what I want without worrying. As you point out, it is a fuzzy definition, but it works! Great to find a like-minded person!!
Christopher,
Yeah, my inner child keeps me straight. Maybe I can “retire” soon and get her work
Davina,
I agree, money is one thing and happiness is another. The relationship of the two is . . . well, it’s not quite correlated, to say the least.
Hope you all have a great weekend, too!!