Acceptance Is The Key To Peace And Joy

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Let me ask you a really simple question: What do you want in life?

We often complicate things too much, I’m afraid. And sure, there are many nice things in life. But what do you really want?

Here is my take:

Unwavering peace and joy

So now, let’s examine how I may have this.

What won’t bring peace and joy

Money won’t do it. Money may solve some of life’s problems and bring temporary reliefs, or even joy, but then it brings other types of concerns, such as fear of losing the money.

I guess the people who think money brings happiness are the most happy people who never really had much money. I’ve had the life of famous brand dresses and dinners at five star restaurants. How was it, you may ask? A great tasting dinner is just stuffing after I swallow it, no different from cheap candy bars. Same with any other luxuries. Huh, I still have some of the silk scarfs just as reminders.

Some people go for power and fame. Do they bring peace and joy? Um, I just don’t think so. They bring more headaches and bothersome. (Worldly power comes with responsibilities to others. Do I really want to be so responsible for other people’s wellness? And fame? Do I want to be noticed when I go grocery shopping?)

Relationships and sex don’t do it, either. Sure, it’s nice to have someone to share and be close to. (Friendships are great, and if things allow, why not throw in some sexual pleasures?) Lots of peace and joy there. And then you notice the peace and joy came with a hidden concern — of loss. It takes a lot of inner strength to just enjoy what I have now and never to be attached. It doesn’t matter if the partner is committed or not. (If you are really honest, you know you yourself aren’t solid in anything.)

This doesn’t mean I don’t want relationships — just as I intend to have reasonable amount of money to have comfortable earthly life, I appreciate good companies — but it does mean relationships are not what bring the kind of peace and joy I want.

I read somewhere that there are only three fundamental things in life anyone can wish for: health, wealth, and relationships. So what about health? I have long believed health is the most essential ingredients in life, basis of all others. But does health bring consistent peace and joy?

It helps, but no, it doesn’t guarantee it. Moreover, the fixation on achieving and staying in health can cause a lot of fear, ironically. When I think of health, I notice there are so many judgments — what is supposed to be good for health and what not. So I am constantly required to make decisions, which is very tiring.

Dualism

All judgements, whether it’s about health or whatever, causes stress. Every time I judge something is good, and therefore make others bad, I sense part of me falling off. Sooner or later the ignored part will come back to me with vengeance. This is the problem of dualism.

How about balancing the good and the bad? Well, balance is possible only momentarily. And again, it’s very tiring.

(This doesn’t mean I intend to eat junk food in favor of “healthy” foods. But it does mean there is an inherent tension in deeming certain foods or lifestyle as “healthy” even when that judgment is scientifically correct. The ironical increase of health problems in recent years, as we gain more and more knowledge of healthy lifestyle, is a proof of this, I think.)

Is this even possible then?

So I gather none of the things outside of me can bring the kind of stable peace and joy I want. Well, this is self-evident, actually. I want unwavering peace and joy. The unshakable, absolutely stable peace and joy cannot be dependent on something outside of me, which by nature comes and goes.

At this point, I’m starting to wonder if this is even possible. But then, here is the thing: I don’t believe I can want something I don’t know about. If I don’t know what unshakable peace and joy may be, how could I come up with the wish to have them?

The nature of “wanting”

My wise spirit guides advised me to take a step back. Why do I want unwavering peace and joy?

“Well, they are good qualities, aren’t they? And I don’t like the uneasy feeling that wells up in me from time to time. I don’t like the tension in my stomach. I want to be in the good feeling of peace and joy. . .”

What are the opposite of peace and joy? Fear, unease, tension, difficulty, jealousy, upset, feeling of unworthiness, “suffering” of life. . .

My spirit guides: So, by wanting peace and joy, you are directing your attention to identifying what you find to be peace and joy, therefore making others as non-peace and non-joy, mentally rejecting them. Remember what you just figured out about dualism?

More of spirit guides: I understand you’d prefer what is pleasant for you. Nothing wrong about that. But when you “want” peace and joy, you are resisting what you don’t find to be peace and joy, and that resistance causes a lot of pain, perhaps far more than the original disruption.

That original discomfort would pass pretty quickly if you don’t resist.

Loving all there is

So I am better off if I accept everything as they are? Love what is? (Hey, isn’t this the title of Byron Katie — which I haven’t read)

By loving all there is as they are, with no judging, no resisting, no running around to fix it, no preventing it, and so on — everything becomes more or less okay and I end up in peace and joy. And the peace and joy are unaffected by the happenings in my life so they are stable.

When I get what I like, that is great.
When I don’t get what I like, I’m still okay.
When I get what irritates my feelings — ah, how interesting. (Hey, peace doesn’t have to be boring and monotonous!)

Or even better, just quiet my mind and don’t even notice what I am “getting”. Just accept what they are.

I’m going to try this nondualism approach to see how it fits me.

For The Love Of Life And Nature

Something is changing within me. I do not know who I am any more. So many things that have defined me — or, many things that I used to define myself — are falling off, and a fresh Akemi is coming out from within.

I cannot make sense of it all, so I am writing about it. (Hmm. This part of me who likes writing seems to be still here.)

Like today, I went out for a walk and ended up running perhaps quarter of the time. Running? Isn’t that something I’ve hated since I was in kindergarten? But I felt so light, I really wanted to run, and would have run all the way if I could. (My metaphorical heart is there, but my physical heart isn’t ready — the body needs some time for adjustment, I guess.)

And I put out a notice on my Akashic Record Reading site that I am currently not taking orders.

My work and me

Like most people, work has been a big part of my self-definition. Akemi as Akashic Record Reader and spiritual coach. And I know I’ve been super lucky — I have enjoyed using my gift to help people, the business is thriving, and my clients are happy. I’m even publishing my first book soon — this is when I should be marketing and working extra hard. So why stop now? Isn’t this crazy?

I agree it’s crazy. But there is a part of me that says, “I am more than this work!” and the voice is growing bigger daily.

Spiritually, this all makes sense actually. Life is like a computer simulation game. When you master a phase of a game, do you stay there? Of course not, you move on for new challenges. My soul wants to move on exactly because the business has been good and I’m publishing my book (one of my big dreams of life). It’s just my ego who insists on staying in the comfort zone.

(Note: I may figure out a way to balance my new thing — whatever that may be — and the Akashic Record Reading. If there is a fun new way to integrate the two. So don’t worry if you wanted a reading — I will open the door again.)

So what’s next?

Great question. I don’t know exactly what it is.

I do know what I want to experience: Even greater love.

For one, I want to feel I am completely supported by the Universe (or Source or God, whatever you call it). I do know I am supported — when I need extra cash, new orders rush in. It’s a miracle every time it happens. And yet, I still have some fear, the nagging fear that says “you must work hard to survive.”

No, my soul says, the Universe loves everyone. Hardworking or not. Work is about love, doing what I love to do and sharing it with others. Money flows separately. On the surface, it may look like the work is bringing in money, but energetically, it’s not.

Second, my love of nature is growing gigantic. I have always loved nature, but the way I loved it was at an arm’s length. For example, I might be so moved by the sunset — for 15 minutes or so. That’s still a significant experience, but it was isolated from the rest of my life.

I want to spend more time in the nature. Like all day, or days. I want to see what happens if I throw myself in the arms of the nature.

Now I must tell you, I grew up in a big city and never had a chance even to go hiking overnight. As much as I love the outdoor air, the trees, the changing light of the sun and the moon, I also have serious fear about bugs, animals, and what not. So this dream of spending more time in nature is kinda ridiculous.

The wanderlust

I’m also tempted to travel. And I have hated traveling. I consider myself as a migrant not a traveler — I moved from Japan to the U.S., from Ohio to Tennessee to Oregon, but once I settle in one place, I have seldom traveled. Even during the summer vacation season, I usually stayed around doing the “stay-cation”.

Part of the reasons is I am so sensitive. I can’t sleep in a hotel bed. They don’t use 100% cotton sheets and many hotels are located on busy, noisy streets. And of course, I dislike the busy roads and airports.

But on the other hand, I dream of seeing new horizons. America is a continent — if I drive all the way, I can drive from west coast to east coast, or from Canada to Mexico. For someone from the island country, this is so romantic.

I know the color of the sky changes depending on the location and the season. How does it look in Montana? In Maine? How does the air smell there?

The body awareness

And, whether the mind is ready or not, my body seems to be getting ready anyway. This is another thing that surprises me. I have never been athletic. Throughout my school days, people made fun of me because I was no good at sports.

I’m probably still no good at competitive sports, but these days, I just love how I feel when I ride my bike or when I walk — and yes, run. I do yoga every morning. I just love, love, love the sense of lightness and strength in me.

Again, right now, I can’t do much — I get muscle pain easily so I can’t continue long. But my yearning to move around is so strong.

So really, what’s next?

I don’t know. Do I want to travel across America like Ariel Bravy? (By the way, I met him the other day. He is even more inspiring in person than he is in his blog.) Live in the nature like Robin Easton? (Perhaps a bit of a stretch for me. . . but it’s a fascinating idea.) Hike like Stacey Mattews? (Okay, I need more training. . .) Or something else? I guess I can make a few small trips first to see how I feel?

For now, I’m just embracing this new uncertainty. You know, the mysterious chaos of energy before something takes place? Something will. Something wonderful
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12 Steps To Realize Your Higher Self

When you notice you are operating as your Higher Self, as opposed to your usual mode of operation as your ego, you’d feel so different that you won’t miss it. It’s like a layer of a veil is lifted. Things become so clear and brilliant.

In this article, we’ll discuss the method that hopefully lead you to this experience. But first, please know methods are just methods. You may not need a method to experience something. And trying a handful of different methods may not get you to the experience.

The standard approach is meditation. I do believe meditation is the best way to this experience. The trouble is, sometimes you feel so troubled that meditation is the last thing you feel like doing. So what do you do? Just wait until you feel like meditating? Force yourself to meditate?

My new twelve-step program is something that bridges this gap.

The original 12 steps

Let me honor the original twelve-step program of Alcoholics Anonymous before we delve into my new version. Here it is:

Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over (alcohol), that our lives had become unmanageable
Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity
Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God
Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves
Step 5: Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs
Step 6: Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character
Step 7: Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings
Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all
Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others
Step 10: Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it
Step 11: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out
Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs

Notice there is no step that says, “Made a resolution not to drink again.” This is not a program about quitting drinking or correcting an addictive habit; it’s about leaving the ego-centered way of living and realigning to “God” way.

I heard that, in the beginning, there were only two criteria that were asked to those who wished to join the group and start their recovery:

1. Can you not drink for one day?
2. Do you believe in a power greater than yourself?

In other words, the focus was to stay in the present and to align with a power greater than oneself. Oneself — the ego self, that is. All the steps are designed to promote these two points, to help a person leave the past regrets and grievances so that he can start afresh each day and to be more God-centered than ego-centered.

This seemingly roundabout approach has been surprisingly successful. Today, there are many types of twelve-step support groups such as Al-Anon (for families of addicts), Narcotics Anonymous, Nicotine Anonymous, and Overeaters Anonymous. (Depending on their addiction, they change the words in the bracket in Step 1.) The program works because all addictions are about the ego.

The nature of ego

The ego is addictive by nature. If nothing else, it is addicted to compulsive thinking, which distracts your attention from the present. The ego does this because the present, the Now, is when the realization of your Higher Self happens.

When you want to realize your Higher Self, then, you want to keep your attention to the Now. My new twelve steps are intended to release you from the compulsive thinking of the ego and to stay put in the Now.

The new 12 steps

Step 1: I admit that the “I” as I think I am, my ego, is unreasonable and has turned my life full of suffering.
Step 2: I believe that a power greater than my ego can restore me to sanity. This power is beyond me and yet within me, my Higher Self, which is one with the loving God.
Step 3: I have made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand it.
Step 4: I observe my thoughts and feelings, knowing most of them are about my ego and therefore disbelieving them.
Step 5: I admit I acted in ways that caused pain to myself and to the world. I didn’t intend to cause pain, I was only seeking love and comfort. Nonetheless, my actions were conditioned and reactive.
Step 6: I am entirely ready to live as my Higher Self, forgiving all I have done.
Step 7: I humbly ask for divine grace so I may stay aware.
Step 8: I acknowledge I am withholding love from myself and others because of my judgments.
Step 9: I accept the limitations of myself and others, and also the divinity in us all.
Step 10: I choose to live in the Now, and when my ego rises to wander, promptly arrest it.
Step 11: Through yoga and meditation, I tune up the connection of my body, mind and spirit, so I may act as my Higher Self, guided by its brilliance.
Step 12: Having had a spiritual remembering as the result of these steps, I live in childlike ease and joy, and I carry this message to others when appropriate.

Now let’s study each step in details.

Step 1: Most of us live as the ego. In fact, the first “I” that is admitting the ego is unreasonable is still just one aspect of the ego. But we must start somewhere, and acknowledging the ego’s unreasonable, crazy nature is the first step. Our strategy is to give the ego something specific to work on rather than let it work on random problems as it usually does.

If you don’t think the ego is unreasonable, perhaps you haven’t suffered enough. Most of us live in denial. That’s okay — take your time. Watch how your ego creates a problem by thinking and judging and then how it turns around to solve that problem. If you set a fire and then go around screaming “Fire!”, isn’t that crazy and unreasonable?

When you are ready, you might want to make a list of all the craziness in your life. This is admittedly a very painful step. In AA meetings, many big well-established men and women break into tears when they do the first step. This is actually good — the denial is finally giving way to your desire for recovery — in this case, your desire to live as your Higher Self.

Step 2: Again, it’s still an aspect of ego talking, and “believing” is a far cry from really “knowing,” but we need to start somewhere. If you have done Step 1, the first sentence of Step 2 comes easily. The second sentence — well, for now, please just take it as it is written.

Step 3: This is basically the same as the original step. It’s about surrendering. And it’s a very scary step because at this point, you are probably still operating as your ego, and the last thing ego wants to do is to give up any of its power (even though that is only a fake power).

If the resistance is too strong and you cannot do Step 3, please go back to Step 1. You might also want to review your concept of God. Do you really see God as the source of all life, love and intelligence? (If you are allergic to the word “God,” please replace it with the word of your choice, such as Source or Universe.)

Step 4: You want to make it a habit to observe your thoughts in the same way you observe passing thoughts in meditation. No push, no pull, no reacting, just observing. Feel the existence of the “you” who is observing your thoughts. That is not your thinking ego.

In the beginning, you probably slip often and react to your thoughts and feelings. This is why Step 4 is an ongoing step.

Step 5: This step pairs with Step 4. As you observe so many thoughts and notice how you tend to react to them, you might feel bad about yourself. You’ve already done Step 1, and know how crazy things can get when you act on your ego’s cues.

It’s critical at this point to understand that you, like everyone, acted and reacted not because you wanted to cause pain but because you didn’t know better. Yes, your ego drove you crazy and you did some really stupid things. But at the time of acting it, you thought your action would bring some comfort, or at least some relief. No one does anything with the pure intention to cause pain. Even murderers have a reason — at least at the very moment of their action, they thought the action would bring some comfort or relief. Perhaps a stupid reason, but still a reason.

The real problem is we, as egos, are conditioned to think and act in certain ways and we react to our thoughts and feelings. In order words, the real problem is the lack of awareness. (By the way, this step is not about defending murderers but does mean having compassion to all beings.)

Step 6: So we get to the point of really wanting to have this awareness, or to live as our Higher Selves. In order to get there, we need to release the baggage from the past by forgiving ourselves. This is another painful step. Your ego will resist the idea of forgiving yourself — your ego would insist on punishing yourself for all the wrongs you’ve made. And as long as you listen to your ego’s resistance, you are not quite ready yet.

Step 7: The awareness comes by divine grace. It’s not something you can work on or create. That’s just your ego talking, again — the ego loves doing something. And the ego judges if you deserve it or not.

No, at this point, you simply ask or pray so that you can have this awareness. If you really have done Step 6, Step 7 comes naturally.

Step 8: The nature of your Higher Self is the same quality love of God. While the ego makes judgements about people, things, and events, your Higher Self is waiting to just love. Let’s notice that.

For me, this is an ever fresh step. There is more, more, and more love, and even after doing the steps many times, I still notice I am withholding some love, so I do the nest step to open up further.

Step 9: This is another way to say love. As humans, we have limitations. We also have innate divinity. Accepting both aspects means living as your Higher Self in this physical world.

Both aspects. If you find yourself focusing on either one of the aspect, you haven’t got it yet. Step 5 prepares you to accept the limitations in us. Step 2 and 7 prepare you to accept the divinity in us.

The “I” is now shifting to your Higher Self. The “I” who can accept the egos and the Higher Selves in oneself and others is not your ego, it’s your Higher Self. You might take Step 8 and 9 awareness back and forth to really get it.

Step 10: As I explained earlier, the ego doesn’t like the Now and wants to distract you to the past or the future. When this happens, simply notice and get back to the present.

Step 11: What’s good with yoga (or other body-mind-spirit work of your choice) is you intend to move your body in a certain way using your mind, and then you observe your body movement as you observe your thoughts and feelings in Step 4. So it links the body, mind and your Higher Self awareness.

Body awareness is the key. I wrote yoga because I like it, but as long as you use your body, mind, and awareness, you can do the movement of your choice such as tai chi or martial arts. (I’m not interested in the kind of yoga that just does the poses — that is more like aerobics with yoga poses.)

Meditation is also helpful. Hopefully, by the time you get to this step, you are ready to meditate. This is another ongoing maintenance step so you stay in your Higher Self awareness.

Step 12: We are our Higher Selves. This is about remembering this original state, not achieving something new. As your ego created problems decrease, you get to live in childlike ease and joy. (By joy, I don’t mean the temporary jolted feeling you have when you get what you wanted.) This doesn’t mean you are now always your Higher Self. The ego is canny and it will be back. (When it does, it seems to attack with vengeance.)

At this point, you are probably just living your life with the simplicity and audacity of a child, and the people around you may notice. I am not big on marketing, but when someone asks, it may be appropriate to talk about it.

How to work the steps

If you want to practice the 12 steps, this is how:

1. Read the 12 steps aloud a couple of times a day, like morning and evening. Soon, you will memorize them. Posting the printout may be helpful, too.
2. Do the steps one by one.
3. When you feel troubled, emotionally disturbed, stressed, or whenever you can, recite the 12 steps and see where you are. For example: Have I realized how unreasonable my ego is? If not, is what I am going through enough to take Step 1? Or: Am I observing my thoughts and feelings? Oh, I guess I am reacting to them. Let’s do Step 4.
4. When you are down to Step 12, start over from Step 1 again. Often, it takes multiple rounds to really get it.

While I heard some stories of immediate and once-for-all enlightenment, my experience is this is a process.

So try it out and let me know how it works for you!
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