Our Addiction To Judgments And Problems
September 10, 2009 by Akemi
It’s been a week since I moved to a little gem of a town called Eugene, Oregon. The whole experience was, in a sense, more fundamentally moving than coming to the U.S. I’m in cultural shock. I’m humbled. I’m amazed. . . (Photo credit)
World migrant gets a surprise
Just to give you an idea, this is where I have lived in my life so far:
- Japan
- Sydney, Australia (1 year as a high school exchange student)
- Columbus, Ohio (10 years)
- Nashville, Tennessee (3 years)
- Portland, Oregon (2 years)
The last three are all in the United States, but crossing the Mason-Dixon Line was like crossing an invisible cultural border between the North and the South (it is still referred to as the Union and the Confederate in the South.) And west of the Rockies is quite another, too — I’m pretty sure the west coast states don’t consider themselves as part of the continental America. . . or as part of America at all.
So you would think, for a world migrant like Akemi, moving 100 miles to Eugene is a breeze. Some physical work to do, but emotionally, it’s no big deal, right?
Boy, no way.
The first shock came when I first visited this apartment complex. The leasing manager showed me a few open units. I noticed she just simply open the door without the key, and when we were done, she just closed the door. So I asked if she locked the open units at night and her answer was no.
You know, I’ve been working since I was six years old, and locking up the office and the storage unit was part of my responsibility. Coming to the US, I was told to be even more watchful against potential crimes. And here you are, meeting a middle-aged manager who seems to be quite conventional otherwise, never thinking twice of not locking the apartments. She swears nothing ever happened, even when she had leased furniture inside for corporate relocation.
. . . well, I signed up and now live in one of her townhouse. I still lock my door. . .
I asked for a quiet and peaceful place to live, and I got it
A little background of my moving. I liked where I was, but it was so noisy with the neighbors on both sides and downstairs. (I had an apartment on the top floor.) My intent was to live in a quiet peaceful place where I can rest and work well.
Gee, did I get that.
I now live in a townhouse. No one is above me or below me. It seems to have been built well that I hardly hear my next door neighbors, either.
But it’s not just the lack of someone else’s music and loud conversation. The quality of peacefulness here is beyond expectation.
I’m on a mid-hill on the southwest edge of Eugene. From my living room, I can see the mountains across the valley above the roofs of other houses. There are also some trees, and looking at their leaves quietly moving in the gentle breeze is so calming. Behind all these, the sky is big and close. I can spend the whole morning just looking at the trees, the mountains, and the sky.
Really, I can spend hours just being there. I don’t know how to describe it. I am left speechless. I feel as if I am blending into the whole environment. It’s better than bliss or happiness. In bliss, there is still me.
Driving around the new town
Eugene is such a small town that I can get anywhere in 15 minutes or so (although I live at the edge of town). No heavy traffic. And the directions are so simple. There are only a few roads I need to remember. This is such a relief for me because I’m not very good at finding directions. (By the way, the speed limit is 25 to 35 mph even on major roads. Around schools, it’s 20 mph all day, from 7 am to 5 pm. Why make haste, you know?)
Despite the small size, I find it easier to eat vegetarian (mostly vegan and raw) here. Well, not just vegetarian, how about organic, locally-grown vegetarian? There are some excellent grocery stores that carry stuffs I never saw in Portland. And there are quite a few vegetarian-friendly restaurants. I plan to go to the farmers’ market this weekend.
People are friendly here. I went to the DMV (Department of Motor Vehicle) this morning. Usually, people at government agencies like this have bad attitude. Not here. The guy at the information desk is more friendly than any customer service person you met.
Honestly I get nervous a bit when I go to this kind of place. Not that I did something wrong, but because of past experiences, I sort of expect unpleasant encounter at these places. I was wrong. I was treated well, and it took less than half an hour. . .
So? Is there a problem?
Kind of. Did you notice what I said in the previous paragraph?
I was expecting problems. In reality, I didn’t get it. And I found myself seeking something else.
What something? Well, pretty much anything. Something I can be concerned about, to be mentally prepared for, something I can bounce in my head and “work” on.
This surprised me. I thought I’ve worked out my addiction to judgments and problems. I know many of us actually like having problems regardless of what we may say, and that is the very reason why we never run out of problems. We have a deep-rooted love and hate relationship with problems. We are addicted to judgments and we keep creating problems by our judgments.
But me? Am I still craving for problems? I am in a beautiful, peaceful new place and enjoying it, right? Or do I still have a tiny bit of discomfort with this level of peace?
This peace is almost numbing. It’s like losing myself. I know losing myself (my ego) is a good thing. But it’s just . . . different. Suddenly, there is hardly any problems out there, so now it’s either I completely accept this peace or I have to seek problems within me. Aaaaaaagh!
Creating our life and the world
We create our own life and the world. Some people describe this “The world is our own mirror.” Then I guess I must have done something good to create such a peaceful place to live for myself. The remaining drama-loving ego gotta go.
I’ll see how this works. And I really wonder why the rest of the world cannot be like this . . . there is no reason it cannot be. When we all wake up and be done with our own addiction to judgements and problems, this world will be transformed to a “heaven on earth.”
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Beautifully expressed. Love it!
Hi Jen,
I forgot to write that there are some deers and wild turkeys living in my neighborhood. I’ve seen them taking group stroll from my apartment.
The photo is Eugene, shot from the north toward University of Oregon, I think.
Oh Akemi – it sounds idyllic – I’m so happy for you!
Have to laugh at your “struggles” with it being so good – I know what you mean! Just last night I was thinking a similar sort of thing.
LOVE your “We create our own life and the world” – what more can I say? x
I too have a hard time trusting the things that are “Too Good To Be True”. I’m so glad that you have found another wonderful spot to live! And thanks so much for my husbands reading! I think it will be a great turning point for him!
Akemi – this is a wonderful post! This is how our Utah home is for me, and the town it is near, which we only visit monthly right now, and during holidays, and I sometimes have worried that when we relocate there full-time, I will have this same issue. I am so used to living in large urban areas with some level of abrasion. I am wondering though, don’t you think some level of ‘problem’ is necessary, in order to continue to grow? Maybe ‘problem’ is not the right word, but some level of challenge? I seem to thrive on challenge in a way, it is part of my make-up, so this is how I have always viewed it.
Robin,
Yeah, yeah, accepting something wonderful is quite challenging. I’m glad I’m growing.
Jenni,
You are so welcome. Hope the weather there holds for you guys for the autumn.
Lisa,
You bring up a very important point. As I wrote in How to Find Your Life Purpose Through Your Life Challenges, challenges, or problems, have their valuable place in our lives. We can use them as learning opportunities.
But we don’t have to learn the hard way. It’s very possible to learn and grow without problems.
And we also need to be watchful that a lot of our problems are self-created. I think sometimes we create problems for a sense of (fake) fulfillment, or as a distraction from the real issue. So when we stop doing this (to create problems for the sake of it, to be in a drama), there are substantially less problems in life.
By analogy, think about physical health. Some people get into health problems and that opens them up to more awareness and healing opportunity. That is great. But once they get well, do they need another health crisis or ongoing series of minor health issues to get stronger? Hopefully not. Maybe they can, say, take up martial arts just for the joy of doing it and grow stronger that way.
So is problem useful? Yes and no, is my answer.
Hi Akemi,
What a great point, which I guess is why everyone doesn’t live in these idyllic places. When there is ‘nothing wrong’ you are forced with ‘being’ with yourself, which a lot of people can’t do. I’m a Nashvillian planning to move to the West Coast… Eugene sounds lovely!
I still can’t get over how they don’t lock the doors! It’s amazing how much things can change from one part of the country to another.
I had a friend who thought he needed to suffer to grow. He asked for the universe to basically make his life hell so that he could grow as fast as possible. What a nut.
Actually Anna Conlan told me I’d made a vow of suffering in another life as a buddhist monk so I’m the same! XD
I definitely prefer growth with comfort. If the goal is to be happy we can start with the basic things now.
Akemi — Wow, wow, wow! I can just hear it now, “where the heck are the problems, the challenges, the issues to deal with?” I think we’re so goal-oriented, and as you say, problems are such obvious challenges, so our goal is to “meet and defeat” these challenges.
Uh-oh, with no challenges to meet and defeat, what do we do NOW? I’m kind of there, too. My biggest-ever dream has come true. I’m in heaven on earth. OK, what now? Well, I guess my challenge now is to do what I’ve so long said I should do (all of us, even), and that is: enjoy the time to just BE. Really BE in this present moment.
I’m so happy for you, discovering this charming little town. Just curious — what prompted the move? Can you share that?
Hi Tisha,
Good luck with your moving plan. West coast is a different world.
Hunter,
I know. Just to be clear, not all the Eugene area operate like this. My leasing manager says, if she were in downtown or near UO area, she would lock the doors.
Andrew,
Haha. Glad you cleared that vow of suffering.
Our soul’s purpose to be here is to enjoy this world and our life. So really, suffering is optional.
Jeanne,
Yep, that is our purpose, like I wrote in my last post. Glad to hear you are getting there, too
There is no big secret about my moving. I just wanted a quiet place and I found it here. (Because I work from home, I can be anywhere, and didn’t have to stay in Portland area.)
Hi Akemi – I’m so glad you’ve found a lovely place to live – it looks and sounds awesome.
I agree that you must be doing something right, because I have believed for many years that we create our own problems. I know in the past that I have had feelings of restlessness and boredom without significant problems and I feel as though I attracted more problems to myself – which was v foolish.
So don’t wish to much for problems in your new environment – be happy without them.
Actually, when our mind is not accustomed to something it resists. You have to be consistent with your choice and release the negative habits of your mind.
Cath,
No I won’t wish for more problems. I’m quite happy to be problem-less.
Walter,
Haha, if you think I’m resisting this new environment I chose, you are mistaken.
Akemi, you are so brave to move to a place where you don’t know anyone. The one time I did that it was so difficult not knowing anyone there. What will you do to meet people in Eugene? Is it easy for you to make new friends when you move?
Hi Brenda,
Making local friends is a challenge. I usually try to find some groups or classes that share common interests. Meetup.com works well. Also, I just talk to people at coffee shops, grocery stores, etc.
[...] new home! As I wrote in this post, I just moved to Eugene, and I love it. It’s like Portland, but made more compact, less crowded, [...]